ravings from a former cog

Important Decision Day, 'tis. Since December, I've found myself hopping all over Chicago subbing in [mostly crappy] elementary schools, grinding, grinding, grinding. Some days go well, some haunt me still, but ultimately, I feel like I do nothing. I come into a class, mess around with some 9-year-olds, survive th day, & then go home. I do no good.

With one exception: I spent a month in one class, filling in for a teacher who had broken his leg. I felt like I really helped these troubled kids during my time there, & I miss it a lot.

I don't get that feeling anywhere else.

So I've decided: I will do no more subbing unless a.) I get called to do music (really do it, not stand around & show videos!) or b.) I get called back to th school I spent so much time at already. I got all I wanted out of subbing in other situations - I learned much about classroom management & authority in general (some things I didn't want to know), & now I just spin my wheels, grind, grind, grind. I would rather slop coffee again.

I don't believe in traditional classrooms. They turn people into cogs to fit into th cold unenlightened machine called USA. They attempt to destroy real, real critical thinking, break th spirits of th rebels (this world needs rebels more than cogs, dammit!), make people stupid & complacent. If you can make it through public school, you can make it in a factory, grinding, grinding, grinding.

I need to work in music, not traditional classrooms, turning people on. Setting fires in th right hemisphere, cultivating creative chaos - inspiring human beings, not industrial robots. I can't do that as a sub, & it has worn me down. I've grown weary of schools & children & classrooms; I dread going back there. I feel myself burning out. I see it in so many teachers that have surrendered to th destructive forces of our consumer culture & ignorance. I don't want to live like that.

This will hurt my bank account (which already hurts - th meager pay I get for doing this only adds to th general degradation I feel). I will need to find coffee / temp work for th summer ASAP. I have willingness to do many things, but I need to get out of th schools.

So I plan to work on an updated resume later today. I want to start hunting for music teacher positions, also. By September, I expect to have Illinois certification.

(Why did I move to Chicago & not San Francisco?)

Ok, I have finished raving & ranting.

I feel good about this decision.

FNORD

I miss my New York friends super-lots. I will surely come home during th summer, probably in July. In th meantime, I invite all friends with th time & moolah to visit. Our couch welcomes you! I want to take you all out for Mexican food & used books!

Much love,
Androse