I do betterings.

Yes.

I returned to submarining today. It was not hell and it was not joyfully excellent. It was enjoyable at times and very frustrating at times. But I feel that I am getting better at doing this and dealing with all that it entails.

This is the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life.

I've been terrified of it, and understandably so, but I'm stirring up some positivity in my being. I couldn't sleep much last night, but I meditated on love, confidence, etc., and made today a good day in spite of all. I did not kill anyone, and no one killed me.

Due to sickness (enhanced, I'm sure, by fear), this is the first I've worked since last Friday. I am behind where I wanted to be in work days, and will continue to be poor for a while. I anticipate eagerly being able to afford burritos and compact discs. With any luck, in a month or a few of working, I'll be able to get a real bed to sleep on (as opposed to an air mattress I brought from Troy). Maybe internet for the apartment and a desk for writing. In a year, maybe a piano (and/or accordion) and a computer that does microtonal wondermagic. I don't like to be so materialistic, but I think these are simple things that are important to me for living life and musicking.

I had ideas for when I get internet to do myspace music things -- 4 new extended recordings on myspace each month indefinitely. Like the podcast of old (which the internet killed) but not. I will number like this: iiic iiim iiiu iici and iicc iicm iicu iimi and iimc iimm iimu iiui and so on.

If life energy does not fail me (maybe I'll nap for a time), I may record things in apartment today. I have goals of doing.

My car is fixed!

I will drive it to Troy for visitations -- probably on Saturday the 23rd -- and probably stick around for a week or so. I will do seeings, musickings, recordings, goodtimesings. I am hungry for tuna.

Much love in all directions.
-Androse